Not every new operative of the society lives and works in Uranium City. We have millions in our employ, stationed in every part of the world. Many men and women in the business sector contact Central Control via modem on their laptops daily, receiving instructions and guidance. We have Regional Directors in hundreds of countries who answer directly to the Snow Weasel himself. Utilizing this highly-advanced networking scheme, any given operative can choose to be stationed literally anywhere in the world, ready to do our bidding.
At the Snow Weasel Cave we have a well-trained staff who handles all of our catering needs. Washing your own dishes is not necessary, but you may be asked to assist the catering crew if the need arises. Remember, we pride ourselves in the tidy presentation of our operatives and our quarters.
All operatives are required to take on a "codename" which suits themselves or their personality. By popular demand several years ago, we converted most codenames to an adjective form and added the word "Spice". While this is not necessarily required, it will most likely happen anyway and further arguing against this point would be fairly useless.
Probably not.
While minks and badgers are part of the weasel family and are both found in North America, only weasels are renowned for their gorgeous white pelts during the winter season. Almost every species of weasel converts to this color to defend itself against predators. Weasels are the embodiment of what we represent: masters of covert operations, able to blend in with any surrounding, and one with its habitat.
No immediate application or membership fee is required. All we ask for is your eternal servitude to our cause and the Snow Weasel himself. We have plenty of money; it is the resources we need. If we ever fall short of cash, we have many wealthy and loyal operatives who would be more than happy to toss us a couple bucks.
Although we specialize in advanced weaponry and technology, we don't have enough battletanks to go around, so no. But if you wash the Snow Weasel's car on a weekly basis, you may soon find access to one.
We understand that our prospective members may be lured by the high pay, the expensive high-tech gizmos, and (in the case of those who work at our main office) daily access to our spa and indoor pool. However, the Snow Weasel Society is much, much more than that. We have operatives all over the globe, ready at a moment's notice to do our bidding. The Snow Weasel Cave here near Uranium City is the hidden hub of an international organization that will soon become the world's major leading power. Here are but a small handful of the reasons why:
We'll own you soon enough anyway. Our current Global Domination agenda sees the world in our complete control within the next decade. The North American continent will be ours within two years. Would you rather be the ruler or the ruled? Join us now while you still can... under your own free will.
We're an active environmentalist group. Our mission statement places quite a bit of concern in our planet's natural environment. We invest millions every year in recycling and replanting programs. Presently our scientists are working on a spore plant to eliminate toxins from the atmosphere and massively lower its carbon content. We believe in peaceful co-existence with the habitat in which we live. Once we are the world's leading power, this belief will be at the forefront of all economic and political policies. Your life on Earth is pitifully short - how many can say that they made a real positive impact on global history?
You'll never have to shop for Altoids again. The Snow Weasel, in his benevolent wisdom, declared long ago that all loyal operatives would have access to an infinite amount of Altoids. Long have we wondered in awe at their "curiously strong" effect on one's breath. Not only do they eliminate the residual stench of that Blimpie's submarine sandwich that you ate for lunch, but they also make for great conversation starters and perhaps even a potent aphrodisiac. If no other reason will persuade you to join our crusade, this very fact must indeed.
We've got the guys. We've got the babes. As an added bonus, depending on your sexual orientation, we have some of the best-looking active members that one could ask for. The stunning and famous Siren Spice is internationally known as a music superstar. Six-String Spice is also a renowned folk-rock guitarist, the heart-throb of many a young woman. Hollywood is infested with our secret operatives (we cannot give away their identities here). Moving into our fold may be the best thing you could ever do for yourself.
We are an equal opportunity employer. Many other businesses claim this, but do they really mean it? No, we seriously doubt that anyone would hire a three-foot female winged sprite. But we did, and Blue Faerie Spice is one of our most powerful (albeit flighty) operatives. Wings or no, even with three sets of eyes, we'll give your application serious thought. Who else could say such a thing and really, seriously mean it?
We let you shoot guns. The Snow Weasel Society has advanced weaponry for the use of our eventual military strategies against those who would dare oppose us. These are the weapons you may have only read about in science fiction novels or seen on the silver screen. Now they are in YOUR POSSESSION! Their use of course only comes after a long training seminar series, but hell, we don't even require a license. What else could you possibly want out of life besides perhaps even more testosterone?
We are the world's leading economic power. Not many people know about it, but Richard DeVos (one of our more wealthy operatives) gave us a great idea. Every time a new operative goes on active duty by your recommendation, you are rewarded. When that new operative seeks out yet another new operative, you are rewarded once again. Some analysts may call this method a "pyramid scheme" but we think it simply repaying members for their hard work. Yes - you will be an integral part of a wealthy, powerful organization with some of the most effective marketing strategies on your side. If this sounds good to you, the Snow Weasel Society is the way to go.
We are a major LEGO stockholder. We own a substantial amount of LEGO stock. So much, in fact, that LEGO has based many of their space and underwater vehicles on our own craft. We have their word that, after we have complete global control, they will release an entire series of LEGO sets glorifying our advanced technological army. We think this is pretty nifty. Don't you?
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